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Emotional, Spiritual, and
Mental Signs and Symptoms of Impending Death
Withdrawal
The person may seem unresponsive, withdrawn, or in a comatose-like state.
This indicates preparation for release, a detaching from surroundings
and relationships, and the beginning of letting go. Since hearing remains
all the way to the end, speak to your loved one in your normal voice,
identifying yourself by name, hold hands and say whatever you need to
say that will help the person let go.
Lack of Interest in Food
and Drink
Lack of interest in food and drink may indicate readiness for the final
shut down. You may help in the process by giving permission to let go
whenever he or she is ready. At the same time, affirm the person's ongoing
value to you and the gold you will carry forward into your life that you
received from him or her.
Visions
The person may speak or claim to have spoken with persons who have already
died, or to have seen places not visible to you. This does not indicate
a hallucination or a drug reaction. The person is beginning to detach
from this life and is being prepared for the transition so that it will
not be frightening. Do not contradict, explain away, belittle, or argue
about what the person claims to have seen or heard. Affirm his or her
experiences. They are normal and common. If they frighten your loved one,
explain that they are normal occurrences.
Restlessness
The person may perform repetitive and restless tasks. This may indicate
that something still unresolved or unfinished is disturbing and preventing
him or her letting go. Find ways to help the person find release from
tension and fear. It may be helpful or calming to the person if you talk
about a favorite place the person enjoyed, a favorite experience, read
something comforting, play music, and give assurance that it is OK to
let go.
Decreased Socialization
The person may only want to be with very few or even just one person.
This is a sign of preparation for release and affirms from whom the support
is most needed in order to make the transition. If you are not part of
this inner circle at the end, it does not mean you are not loved or are
unimportant. It means that you have already fulfilled your task with your
loved one, and it is time for you to say goodbye. If you are part of the
final inner circle of support, the person needs your affirmation, support
and permission.
Unusual Communication
The person may make out of character or non-sequitur statements, gestures,
or requests. This indicates that he or she is ready to say goodbye and
is testing to see if you are ready to let him or her go. Accept the moment
when it is offered. Kiss, hold, hug, cry, and say whatever you most need
to say.
Giving Permission
Giving permission to your loved one to let go, without making him or her
guilty for leaving or trying to keep him/her with you to meet your own
needs, can be difficult. A dying person will normally try to hold on,
even though it brings prolonged discomfort, in order to be sure that those
who are going to be left behind will be all right. Therefore, your ability
to release the dying person from this concern and to give him or her assurance
that it is all right to let go whenever he or she is ready is one of the
greatest gifts you have to give to your loved one.
Saying Goodbye
When the person is ready to die and you are able to let go, then is the
time to say goodbye. Saying goodbye achieves closure and makes the final
release possible. It may be helpful to lie in bed and hold the person,
or to take his or her hand and then say everything you need to say.
It may be as simple as saying,
"I love you." It may include recounting favorite memories, places,
and activities you shared. It may include saying, "I'm sorry for
whatever I contributed to any tension or difficulties in our relationship."
It may also include saying, "Thank you for….."
Tears are a normal and natural
part of saying goodbye. Tears don't need to be hidden from your loved
one or apologized for. Tears express your love and help you to let go.
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