Discipline

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Discipline

Discipline

The dictionary defines the word "discipline" as "teaching rules and forms of behavior by continual repetition and drill. True discipline is aimed at building up within the child what we call a conscience. This is the self-discipline that will one day keep him doing what he should and behaving as he ought, even when there is nobody to hell him what to do or to notice if he does wrong. Telling a child what he must and must not do is only a means to that end. The things that you teach him are only of value once he takes them inside himself and makes your instructions his own instructions to himself.

Self-discipline takes time. There is no way to discipline an infant. You must BE the infant and act in all the ways your baby cannot act for himself. As a toddler, you must combine letting him begin to be himself while keeping total control over safety, security and social acceptability. Only at pre-school age, is your child ready to begin learning how to keep himself safe, secure, and socially acceptable. As a parent you will show him how to behave in countless different situations and circumstances. You will teach him that all those different items of behavior add.htm up to a few, basic and vitally important principles. Then, you withdraw your control, leaving him to apply the principles for himself.

According to child development specialist, Penelope Leach, "the very first rule for trouble-free and effective discipline is "do as you would be done by". The child will not give you more politeness, consideration, and cooperation than you give him. There can be few double standards here." If he asks for help with his puzzle and is told you are too busy; can you expect that he will readily help you set the table?

Basic guidelines to discipline include:

Reward good behavior

It sounds obvious but it is not. If you take a child shopping and he whines for candy, you may well buy some for the sake of peace. If you take a child shopping and he does NOT whine for candy, does he get any?

Be positive: do works better than don't. Small children like action and hate inactivity. They respond much better to being told something that he should do rather than being told NOT to do things. "You can't leave your tricycle there" is a challenge. It makes him think. "I can too. Watch me." But, "Pt your tricycle over by the wall so that nobody trips over it" tells the child something positive that he ought to do.

Be clear. Even positive instruction doesn't work very well if it is vague. "Behave yourself," sounds like a positive instruction, but it is meaningless to a pre-school child. What you really mean is "don't do anything I don't like" which is an impossible command because he doesn't know what you don't like. Be specific.

Always tell your child why. Apart from emergencies, when reason must wait, it is an insult to the child's intelligence to tell him to do something without telling him why. "Because I said so" is the kind of answer that makes sure that the child will not learn anything useful. Without a reason, he cannot fit this particular instruction into the general pattern of "how to behave" that he is building up in his mind. When you say, "put the shovel back" why do you say that? Because it is dangerous? Dirty? Breakable? Because you want to be able to find it next time you need it? If you tell him that it belongs to the builders who have a right to find it where they left it, he can apply that thought to other occasions. "Because I said so," teaches nothing.

Keep "don't: for actual rules. Telling a child not to do things only works when you want to forbid a specific action once and for all. If you only want to forbid a piece of behavior now, under these particular circumstances, you will do better to turn it around and phrase it positively. "Don't interrupt while I'm talking" is useless. There are lots of times you actually want him to interrupt -- to tell you the potatoes are boiling over, his sister is crying, or that he needs to go to the bathroom. Better to say, "Wait a minute until we've finished talking." Specific don'ts become rules. As long as you keep them to a minimum, your child will probably accept them easily, especially if you explain your reasons. Rules are useful in keeping a small child safe. But they don't really play much part in teaching him how to behave because they are too rigid and inflexible. Try to keep rules to small, definite issues like "Don't cross the street alone. It is dangerous."

Trust your child to mean well. If your child feels you are always standing over him ready to correct or instruct him he will not bother to think very much about what he ought and ought not to do. Within the limits of age and stage, try to pass as much responsibility for his own behavior as you can over to him and make him feel that you know you can trust him to handle it.

Be consistent in your principles. You're not training a performing animal that always responds to a specific signal with a particular trick. You're teaching your child to respond as best he can to a vast range of signals. He will accept that circumstances alter actions, especially if you honestly discuss the issue.

When you are wrong, admit it. Since small children are watching how you behave, and modeling themselves to some extent on you, it is important to be willing to admit and apologize if you make a mistake. Suppose you accuse your child of breaking a glass and refuse to believe his denial. You later discover that you were wrong. By all measures, you owe your child a sincere apology. There is no escaping it. No way to save face. You were wrong; you were unfair; and you refused to believe him when he was speaking the truth. If you ask him to forgive you, he will respect you more, not less.

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Eating Sleeping Crying Toilet Training Biting, Hitting, Bullying Tantrums Sharing Attention Deficit Disorder Discipline		Discipline The dictionary defines the word "discipline" as "teaching rules and forms of behavior by continual repetition and drill. True discipline is aimed at building up within the child what we call a conscience. This is the self-discipline that will one day keep him doing what he should and behaving as he ought, even when there is nobody to hell him what to do or to notice if he does wrong. Telling a child what he must and must not do is only a means to that end. The things that you teach him are only of value once he takes them inside himself and makes your instructions his own instructions to himself. Self-discipline takes time. There is no way to discipline an infant. You must BE the infant and act in all the ways your baby cannot act for himself. As a toddler, you must combine letting him begin to be himself while keeping total control over safety, security and social acceptability. Only at pre-school age, is your child ready to begin learning how to keep himself safe, secure, and socially acceptable. As a parent you will show him how to behave in countless different situations and circumstances. You will teach him that all those different items of behavior add.htm up to a few, basic and vitally important principles. Then, you withdraw your control, leaving him to apply the principles for himself. According to child development specialist, Penelope Leach, "the very first rule for trouble-free and effective discipline is "do as you would be done by". The child will not give you more politeness, consideration, and cooperation than you give him. There can be few double standards here." If he asks for help with his puzzle and is told you are too busy; can you expect that he will readily help you set the table? Basic guidelines to discipline include: Reward good behavior It sounds obvious but it is not. If you take a child shopping and he whines for candy, you may well buy some for the sake of peace. If you take a child shopping and he does NOT whine for candy, does he get any? Be positive: do works better than don't. Small children like action and hate inactivity. They respond much better to being told something that he should do rather than being told NOT to do things. "You can't leave your tricycle there" is a challenge. It makes him think. "I can too. Watch me." But, "Pt your tricycle over by the wall so that nobody trips over it" tells the child something positive that he ought to do. Be clear. Even positive instruction doesn't work very well if it is vague. "Behave yourself," sounds like a positive instruction, but it is meaningless to a pre-school child. What you really mean is "don't do anything I don't like" which is an impossible command because he doesn't know what you don't like. Be specific. Always tell your child why. Apart from emergencies, when reason must wait, it is an insult to the child's intelligence to tell him to do something without telling him why. "Because I said so" is the kind of answer that makes sure that the child will not learn anything useful. Without a reason, he cannot fit this particular instruction into the general pattern of "how to behave" that he is building up in his mind. When you say, "put the shovel back" why do you say that? Because it is dangerous? Dirty? Breakable? Because you want to be able to find it next time you need it? If you tell him that it belongs to the builders who have a right to find it where they left it, he can apply that thought to other occasions. "Because I said so," teaches nothing. Keep "don't: for actual rules. Telling a child not to do things only works when you want to forbid a specific action once and for all. If you only want to forbid a piece of behavior now, under these particular circumstances, you will do better to turn it around and phrase it positively. "Don't interrupt while I'm talking" is useless. There are lots of times you actually want him to interrupt -- to tell you the potatoes are boiling over, his sister is crying, or that he needs to go to the bathroom. Better to say, "Wait a minute until we've finished talking." Specific don'ts become rules. As long as you keep them to a minimum, your child will probably accept them easily, especially if you explain your reasons. Rules are useful in keeping a small child safe. But they don't really play much part in teaching him how to behave because they are too rigid and inflexible. Try to keep rules to small, definite issues like "Don't cross the street alone. It is dangerous." Trust your child to mean well. If your child feels you are always standing over him ready to correct or instruct him he will not bother to think very much about what he ought and ought not to do. Within the limits of age and stage, try to pass as much responsibility for his own behavior as you can over to him and make him feel that you know you can trust him to handle it. Be consistent in your principles. You're not training a performing animal that always responds to a specific signal with a particular trick. You're teaching your child to respond as best he can to a vast range of signals. He will accept that circumstances alter actions, especially if you honestly discuss the issue. When you are wrong, admit it. Since small children are watching how you behave, and modeling themselves to some extent on you, it is important to be willing to admit and apologize if you make a mistake. Suppose you accuse your child of breaking a glass and refuse to believe his denial. You later discover that you were wrong. By all measures, you owe your child a sincere apology. There is no escaping it. No way to save face. You were wrong; you were unfair; and you refused to believe him when he was speaking the truth. If you ask him to forgive you, he will respect you more, not less.
		COMMON CHILDHOOD ILLNESSES & INFECTIONS \| YOUR CHILD'S DEVELOPMENT PARENTING CHALLENGES \| RESOURCES AND INFORMATION \| ABOUT THIS PROGRAM BACK TO PRAIRIE PUBLIC TELEVISION \| RETURN TO PRAIRIEPUBLIC.ORG HOME PAGE
		Missed A Program? Healthworks on Videotape If you missed seeing Healthworks on Prairie Public Television, you still have a chance to keep up to date with these important health issues. Order a videotape copy of any of these interesting and informative programs for only $24.95 per program. Order online or call 1-800-359-6900 to order your copies today.
		© 2001 Prairie Public Broadcasting, Inc.