Tantrums

Eating
Sleeping
Crying
Toilet Training
Biting, Hitting, Bullying
Tantrums
Sharing
Attention Deficit Disorder
Discipline

Tantrums

Toddlers tend to live on an emotional sew-saw with anxiety and tears on one end and frustration and tantrums on the other. These extremes arise from the child's desire for independence and the contradictory desire to stay a baby.

A tantrum is like an emotional blown fuse. It is not something the toddler can prevent. The load of frustration builds up inside him until he is so full of tension that only an explosion can release it. While the tantrum lasts, the toddler is lost to the world, overwhelmed by his own internal rage and terrified by the violent feelings that he cannot control. However unpleasant your toddler's tantrums are for you, they are much worse for him.

If your child is having a tantrum:

Prevent the child from getting hurt or hurting anyone or anything else. It may be easiest to keep him safe by holding him gently, on the floor. As he calms down and finds himself close to you he will find, to his amazement, that everything is quite unchanged by the storm. He will slowly relax and the furious monster becomes a pathetic baby who has screamed himself sick and frightened himself silly. It is comfort time. Some toddlers cannot bear to be held while they are having tantrums. The physical restriction drives them to fresh heights of anger and makes it worse. Don't insist on overpowering your child. Remove anything that he can break and try to prevent physical harm.

Don't try to argue or reason. While the tantrum lasts, he is beyond reason

Don't scream back if you can possibly help it. Anger is infectious and your anger will merely prolong the event.

Don't ever let the child feel rewarded or punished for a tantrum. You want him to see that tantrums are horrible for him and that they change nothing either for or against him. If he threw the tantrum because you would not let him go into the yard, don't let him out now. Equally, if you had been going to go for a walk before the tantrum, you should take him all the same.

Don't let tantrums embarrass you into kid-glove handling in public. Once a child realizes that his uncontrollable tantrums are having an effect on your behavior towards him, he is bound to learn to use them and work himself into semi-deliberate tantrums which are typical of badly handled three and four year olds. Giving in to tantrums teach children that this is the way to behave.

Penelope Leach, author of Babyhood recommends that you "Assume that your child will not have a tantrum; behave as if you had never heard of the things and then treat them, when they occur, as unpleasant but completely irrelevant interludes in the day's ordinary events."

As your child grows bigger, and more competent, he will learn to manage things better so that he meets fewer extreme frustrations in his everyday life.

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© 2001 Prairie Public Broadcasting, Inc.

Eating Sleeping Crying Toilet Training Biting, Hitting, Bullying Tantrums Sharing Attention Deficit Disorder Discipline		Tantrums Toddlers tend to live on an emotional sew-saw with anxiety and tears on one end and frustration and tantrums on the other. These extremes arise from the child's desire for independence and the contradictory desire to stay a baby. A tantrum is like an emotional blown fuse. It is not something the toddler can prevent. The load of frustration builds up inside him until he is so full of tension that only an explosion can release it. While the tantrum lasts, the toddler is lost to the world, overwhelmed by his own internal rage and terrified by the violent feelings that he cannot control. However unpleasant your toddler's tantrums are for you, they are much worse for him. If your child is having a tantrum: Prevent the child from getting hurt or hurting anyone or anything else. It may be easiest to keep him safe by holding him gently, on the floor. As he calms down and finds himself close to you he will find, to his amazement, that everything is quite unchanged by the storm. He will slowly relax and the furious monster becomes a pathetic baby who has screamed himself sick and frightened himself silly. It is comfort time. Some toddlers cannot bear to be held while they are having tantrums. The physical restriction drives them to fresh heights of anger and makes it worse. Don't insist on overpowering your child. Remove anything that he can break and try to prevent physical harm. Don't try to argue or reason. While the tantrum lasts, he is beyond reason Don't scream back if you can possibly help it. Anger is infectious and your anger will merely prolong the event. Don't ever let the child feel rewarded or punished for a tantrum. You want him to see that tantrums are horrible for him and that they change nothing either for or against him. If he threw the tantrum because you would not let him go into the yard, don't let him out now. Equally, if you had been going to go for a walk before the tantrum, you should take him all the same. Don't let tantrums embarrass you into kid-glove handling in public. Once a child realizes that his uncontrollable tantrums are having an effect on your behavior towards him, he is bound to learn to use them and work himself into semi-deliberate tantrums which are typical of badly handled three and four year olds. Giving in to tantrums teach children that this is the way to behave. Penelope Leach, author of Babyhood recommends that you "Assume that your child will not have a tantrum; behave as if you had never heard of the things and then treat them, when they occur, as unpleasant but completely irrelevant interludes in the day's ordinary events." As your child grows bigger, and more competent, he will learn to manage things better so that he meets fewer extreme frustrations in his everyday life.
		COMMON CHILDHOOD ILLNESSES & INFECTIONS \| YOUR CHILD'S DEVELOPMENT PARENTING CHALLENGES \| RESOURCES AND INFORMATION \| ABOUT THIS PROGRAM BACK TO PRAIRIE PUBLIC TELEVISION \| RETURN TO PRAIRIEPUBLIC.ORG HOME PAGE
		Missed A Program? Healthworks on Videotape If you missed seeing Healthworks on Prairie Public Television, you still have a chance to keep up to date with these important health issues. Order a videotape copy of any of these interesting and informative programs for only $24.95 per program. Order online or call 1-800-359-6900 to order your copies today.
		© 2001 Prairie Public Broadcasting, Inc.