Stresses: Making the Issues More Personal

In this interview, North Dakota State University Extension Service Family Life Specialist Sean Brotherson discusses stress as a way of life among ranching families.

Sean Brotherson

I was asked to address farm and ranch stress when I came into the State of North Dakota in the fall of 1998. Prices were taking a beating in the agricultural marketplace, and I was asked to look at the issue of how farm and ranch families can access resources that will be helpful to them in dealing with stress. I was interested in that topic not just because of my interest in family well-being but because my own family has a history in farming and ranching over the last five or six generations. I’ve seen the ups and downs in my family experience, and so I was interested in trying to find research on that and find ways to provide practical resources for families.

In 1999, the Center for Rural Affairs conducted the North Dakota Rural Life Poll, and they asked the question, "How would you rate the severity of the rural crisis in North Dakota and in the Great Plains region?" And about 75% said they felt it was more severe than it was during the crisis of the 1980s, and another probably 28% said it was just as severe as the 1980s. I think it was 98.5% in that survey said it’s as bad or worse than it was in the 1980s rural crisis which covered the United States. It was very hard on this region as well as agriculture in general. I don’t think that it has changed dramatically in the last few years.

Farmers and ranchers who were surveyed said price fluctuations, low prices, difficult weather conditions - whether that be flooding or drought ­ were the things that most often contributed to the continuing difficulty. I don’t see a dramatic change in those circumstances over the last several years in North Dakota.

Individual responses to that kind of stressful circumstance vary, but there are some general patterns. One of the things that’s unique about this kind of stress is that it’s not just a one-time event like the eruption of a volcano This is chronic stress over a long period of time, and it becomes debilitating to individuals to try and deal with that continuing stress level. Physical health often suffers with increases in high blood pressure, heart problems, and other stress-related diseases.

People are more prone to behavioral health challenges. They’re trying to cope. They may be more likely to seek escape at the local bar or to use other types of sedative drugs. Depression levels increase significantly in ranching families. Their relationships sometimes become more challenging People are often dealing with anger issues, and sometimes that comes out in terms of violence within family relationships.

Across the board, stress among ranching families can lead to severe negative consequences in terms of their individual mental health, their physical health, and their behavior in coping with that stress.

Recent census data suggests about a 35% increase in divorce from 1990 through the last decade. What’s interesting about that data is it’s most severe in the most rural areas of the state, those areas like southwestern North Dakota that have been hardest hit by agricultural stressors.

Stress is fracturing families in terms of making it more difficult for people to not only sustain their farm and ranch operations but to sustain their family relationships in that context.

The primary source of support for most people who are in farming and ranching is a spouse. If that relationship isn’t sustained, then it becomes significantly more challenging to cope with stress. If that person is not available or if there’s conflict in that relationship then the stress just becomes more severe.

Prairie Public

What does that do to the stress level of the spouse when all that stuff’s getting dumped on them?

Sean Brotherson

It depends on the marriage relationship. The ranch wife is often concerned about their spouse’s physical well being. They see them working extremely long hours struggling with difficult decisions about the future of their operation. They want to be of support, but sometimes they don’t know how. And often people who are coping with high levels of stress, especially men, may not communicate all of the specific challenges to a spouse. Communication is one of the difficulties that is very common. I’ve talked to a lot of farm wives in North and South Dakota who say "I found out that we weren’t gonna be ranching next year when my husband came in and said ‘well, it doesn’t look like we’re gonna ranching next year.’" They knew that things were serious, but they may not have known the level of severity, or the level of difficulty that the operation was experiencing. If you’re not having that communication back and forth in the marriage relationship, then things just become more tense, more difficult between a husband and a wife. And that makes coping with the stresses of ranching more difficult.

Prairie Public

Would that be one of the first things that you might recommend is to still make sure, you know tend to that relationship?

Sean Brotherson

One of the things that we focus on in working with rural families is the quality of the marriage relationship. What we find is that as couples open up the lines of communication they are able to turn towards each other in positive ways. Once they can feel support from the spouse rather than having conflict in that relationship and being alienated from each other they begin working together as a team to help each other cope with the challenges they face. When that happens, you see stress levels start to drop quite significantly. Having someone to look to as a partner in their decision-making rather than with frustration and anger makes a big difference. The quality of the relationship is key. And not just with a spouse, but with any other adult siblings or family members who are working with you on a farm or ranch operation. It might be generational between a parent and a child - a father and a son operation or something like that. And if the communication in any of those family relationships is troubled, it’s going to make the stress much more intense.

Prairie Public

Is it tempting sometime to not let the spouse or parent know how bad things are?

Sean Brotherson

In addition to the economic challenges, one of the significant issues that occur is a sense that the ranchers’ future in the community, that his standing in the community is dependent on the fact that people view him as successful. It’s hard to share with other people that maybe things aren’t going as well as you need them to go even if it’s through no fault of your own. The rancher fears that his level of competence as a farmer/ranch operator will be judged - that people will say he's not really up to the job. When everything else feels out of control, the rancher wants to maintain a sense of control when communicating with other people.

Prairie Public

Are ranchers particularly prone to reticence?

Sean Brotherson

No, I think it’s very common for men in general and then sometimes for men with a rural background in particular to share their feelings or their frustrations about something on a personal level. While it’s something that may be a little bit more challenging for them, it doesn’t mean that they’re not capable of sharing. A lot of men that I’ve talked have found that having a chance to talk to somebody who’s gone through a similar experience as them, and seeing how someone else has dealt with the same cahllenge can be a positive source of support.

The real question is how do you extend those opportunities to men and women who are working in the farm and ranch industry in ways that they’ll take advantage of; in ways that are more on their terms rather than on your terms?

That’s part of the challenge. If the relationships are positive, thelocal community is the natural place to visit and share. While they might not have as much in terms of the resources there’s the local coffee shop, the café, or the grain elevator. It might be in a church pew. And those natural meeting places need to find ways to help people connect with each other and provide meaningful support, but at the same time, maintain some level of dignity and privacy.

I’ve been impressed with one woman who started a farm wife’s discussion group in her community in North Dakota. They meet on a regular basis, and they set some ground rules. They meet once a month to talk about the stresses that they’re experiencing, the solutions that they’re trying to come up with. But when they leave the discussion, the discussion stays there. They won’t gossip. They won’t take discussions abroad in the community. That’s critical. That people have respect for the private decision-making that some people have to experience in their family but also a willingness to lend an ear or a hand of support. There’s kind of a balance in terms of dealing with stress.

Prairie Public

What are other coping skills that you would suggest for people in rural stress situations?

Sean Brotherson

Often there are untapped resources available. People in stress become less prone to think extensively and carefully about the options that are available to them because they need to make decisions on a quick basis. Their frustration level is often high and their communication levels are not as strong as they could be.

Some agencies that can help include the Land Grant University System, the Department of Agriculture. It might be with a local agricultural cooperative each helping look at available options and resources and helping you take advantage of them.

There are a lot of organizations that provide meaningful resources, from new information about marketing a product to guidelines for family communication in high stress periods. Learning those things can really give people a sense that they’re mastering the situation and a sense of being proactive and in controlling their circumstances instead of simply being affected by them. That’s really critical.

Prairie Public

Do people deal with stress in the same way?

Sean Brotherson

Some people handle stress in more positive terms than other people do. One thing that you see with chronic stress over a long period of time is people stop laughing. They’re dealing with serious situations so often that the sense of the fun and spontaneity that can be part of life and part of family relationships starts to disappear. They don’t take time for themselves. They’ll get up at the crack of dawn or before, awake from 4 or 5 a.m. in the morning until 11 or 12 at night, and there’s no time in there for the family, to go out and spend some quality hours together, or to get away and just have some fun. Taking a vacation from the stressful circumstances is really critical. There’s got to be some renewal of family relationships if those relationships are going to renew you and your ability to cope with stress. People who are burdened by stress will put out more and more energy seeking to deal with it, but they don’t replenish their own energy through just time away as a couple or as a family to be with each other, to communicate with each other, to have some fun, and that’s really important.

In terms of coping, there are positive coping strategies and negative coping strategies. Negative coping strategies include hostility or violence towards those who you know are supporting you. In rural areas of the state as stress levels increase, we see corresponding increases in domestic violence. That’s a very common thing. That’s not a positive way to deal with stress. People may be experiencing a lot of anger, but they need to find constructive ways to let off that anger and deal with it rather than targeting a family member or simply lashing out in frustration.

One of the most important things that individuals can do to cope with stress is acknowledge what they’re experiencing and then find a way to share with other people what they’re experiencing.

I talked to a man who is from Minnesota who is a farmer. He had a heart attack. He was extremely depressed. He felt that his marriage relationship was in trouble. He felt that he was born to farm. That’s all he wanted to do. But it didn’t work out for him and his operation When he got to the point where he considered taking his own life, he knew he had to get some help. He got some help with his physical health challenges and he became very proactive in sharing his experiences. H was on a local radio program, and he shared his experiences. At home several days later, he got a call from a farmer who’d heard him on the radio. The caller said "I need to talk to somebody who’s been there, who knows what my experience has been like."

When you internalize the stress and anger that comes from not being able to control the commodity price at the marketplace or the weather, that comes out in terms of depression and physical health challenges. One thing that is common with people who cope well with stress, is they don’t just hold it in. It makes life more difficult and the lives of those around you more difficult when a person is not willing to say "I’m not managing this as well as I could. Who can I turn to? Who can I just visit with?" It might be a family friend. It might be somebody down the street. It might be a pastor. It might be a mental health counselor. It’s not a sign of weakness to talk to somebody you know.

What I see with people who are successful in dealing with stress is a willingness first to acknowledge "yeah I need to do something more to deal with this". What they do is find someone to share their concerns with. They access resources. They take steps proactively to deal with the additional sources of stress in their life. The real critical thing is connecting with someone who can help you proactively manage the challenges that you’re facing.

Prairie Public

Can you talk about how the future of ranching and the public perception of ranching affects ranchers?

Sean Brotherson

The thing that distinguishes people who cope well over time with today’s farm and ranch stress is that they adopt a healthy sense of perspective. They understand that they don’t have a boss who’s going to come in and pat them on the back and say "good job today." The motivation and the rewards are more intrinsic than somebody recognizing you and telling you you’re appreciated. On the other hand, it’s not uncommon for people in rural America today to feel passed by or unappreciated for the amazing contribution that they make not only to our food security but to our national character. Rural America has been the bedrock of the emergence of our nation, and there’s a sense that somehow it is now both ignored and undervalued. There’s a lot of anger that can come from that.

Farmers and ranchers have contributed so much in the past, and they want to contribute more in the future. You’ve got to have a healthy sense of perspective to think about what that future’s going to be.

People who are experiencing high levels of stress in farm and ranch life have a question mark in their heads about where is my family going to be in ten years? Where is my farm operation going to be in 50 years? They’re not just thinking about tomorrow. They’re carrying with them this burden of expectations about where their family heritage is going to be and whether it’s going to continue. And the stress that they’re experiencing is not simply "Can I get a different job if it comes to that". The stress they’re experiencing is "Can I carry on this family legacy that’s been bequeathed to me by my great grandfather?" There is this sense of obligation to carry it on for posterity and for future generations. There’s a struggle regarding whether they’re going to be successful at that. There’s a struggle with whether the family heritage is going to be preserved or whether it’s going to be lost. The stress really doesn’t have a lot to do with worries over losing a "job". It has more to do with a sense of "I might lose my family identity. I might lose my family heritage. I might not succeed in perpetuating the chain of success in this farm or ranch operation has experienced for generations."

I’ve heard a lot of men and women talk about that. They don’t want to be the one that breaks the generational heritage in this farm or ranch operation. They value that heritage so much. To work the land everyday in a meaningful way gives them a sense of who they are and who they want to be. They want to be successful in that, and they want to pass it onto their children and grandchildren 'cause it’s a marvelous heritage. And to have that be undervalued or to stare at the future and wonder whether you’ll be able to pass it on is an enormous burden. A lot of the stress comes from struggling with that question on a daily basis.

After struggling for days and weeks and years, it’s hard to remember that maybe it’s not just the future of the farm that’s important, but the future of the family itself. In rural America, there is no family farm without speaking of family first. It’s the quality of the family relationships and relationships within the community that most affect us. If there’s an acknowledgement that, "The family’s needs come first and we’ll deal with whatever decisions we have to" a farmer or rancher can maintain a sense of perspective that it’s not ‘the farm or nothing.’

People need to gain a sense of being successful in life no matter what they’re doing. Yes, they want to be successful farmers and ranchers, but that’s not the only source of identity. It’s not the only thing that they want to pass on to our posterity. Yes, we live in rural America, and we made a success in this community, but it’s about more than that. It’s about our character as a family and me as a person. And if we adopt that perspective, then it just gives us a healthier sense of grounding as far as the future is concerned and our ability to cope.