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I was ten years ago when, in a Plains Folk column, I
drew attention to a type of folklore that was making the rounds—lists
of sayings in the style of the southern comedian Jeff Foxworthy, only
about life in North Dakota, each saying ending with the refrain, “You
must be from North Dakota.” About that time, too, I posted a compendium
of such sayings at my website, www.plainsfolk.com, where they still reside.
That type of folklore died down, but never disappeared, and now I have
received a fresh list, courtesy of my old friend Lori Lahlum, who hails
from down Litchville way. I think it’s the spell of hard winter lately
that is bringing this out again. One little variation—the items in
this list conclude, “You might live in North Dakota,” rather
than “You must be from North Dakota,” but it’s the same
deal. Anyway, here goes with a selection from the new list.
- If “vacation” to you means going shopping for the weekend
in Minot, Grand Forks, or Bismarck (while the kids swim at the Comfort
Inn). . .
- If parking your car for the night involves an extension cord. . .
- If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 8
inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim
by. . .
- If you have ever refused to buy something because it’s “too
spendy”. . .
- If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don’t work
there. . .
- If your dad’s suntan stops at a line curving around the middle
of his forehead. . .
- If your town has an equal number of bars and churches. . .
- If your family vehicle is a crew cab pickup. . .
- If you know several people who have hit deer more than once. . .
- If you’ve installed security lights on your house and garage and
leave both of them unlocked. . .
- If the largest traffic jam in your town centers around a high school
basketball game. . .
- If you carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how
to use them. . .
- If your town’s Christmas lights parade is actually called “Christmas
Lights Parade” rather than “Holiday Lights Parade,” and
everyone in the parade actually greets you with “Merry Christmas!”
. . .
- If there are more people at work on Christmas Eve Day than on Opening
of Deer Season. . .
- If you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
. .
- If y\driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled
with snow. . .
- If you know the four seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and
road construction. . .
- If your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your
cottonwood. . .
- If a brat is something you eat. . .
- If finding your misplaced car keys involves looking in the ignition.
. .
- If you actually understand these observations. . .
. . . then you might be from North Dakota.
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